Merry Christmas!

Hope everyone enjoys the day and is thankful for everything they get. A lot of people see Christmas as another day because it's not soo much of a celebration for them. Enjoy the family, friends, food and gifts.

And remember giving is better than receiving. So make someone happy! But please use protection. LOL

Who Cares About Your Friend?

You know what I hate, people always doing what their friend does.
Your friend doesn't like me? What does that have to do with me & you.
Do you live with said friend? Is said friend paying your bills?
Is said friend doing anything other than being an asshole?

Now I understand backing up a friend. I have done it many times. Only when I feel like my friend is in the right. If I feel my friend is being completely wrong & on top of that, ignorant, I will be the first one to intervene and tell them to shut up! I don't believe in judging people by what they do at one time. I don't believe in judging people at all but let's not act like it doesn't happen. People judge your appearance, speech and demeanor on a daily basis. That's the reason people dress up to work instead of going in jeans and sneakers. But I digress. My thing is if you are going to make any kind of judgment, you should be fully informed. I mean, how can you judge something [or someone] you know NOTHING about! Honestly, what can you really say? And on top of that, you're judging based on something you heard from someone who is clearly not an impartial party. Ignorance really must be bliss because some of these dumb people don't want to get off cloud 9.

And then you [a self proclaimed friend] decide to back up this foolishness. Even though you know what kind of person I am and how this would make me feel. Overlooking all the times I've stood my ground for you. When people told me you were a no good whorebag [that's a quote] I still stuck by you. And this is how you repay me? And people wonder why no one trusts anymore. . .SMH.

People spend too much time worrying about me. If you guys spent half that time worrying about you, you might actually be doing something with your life.

(Wo)Man Down!

Okay this is funny. Fast forward to 2:40 & be amazed.


Now Keyshia, please know that my heart goes out to you. This is crazy! How awkward is it when she attacks B5 (4:55). They were clearly uncomfortable with this lady. And when she said she was their godmother? If this isn't crazy, I don't know what this is. Man down code 10. Somebody save this lady!

Some Don't Know How To Change

I remember times when my friends would talk about their relationships and I would be so mad. I couldn't understand how they had found this "perfect" guy and they still were hesitating. They were cold and closed off. Not even giving this guy a chance to be everything that they wanted him to be. Whether they were 16 or 23, they were still acting the same way! Why you ask? Over some jerk that had done them bad in the past.

I didn't understand why they couldn't just let go. Life happens right? wrong. Now, I completely understand. It's hard to be hurt and just let it go. You're extra cautious and over think everything trying to not make the same mistakes. Always on the lookout for your partner's mistakes. Making little issues into big problems. All stemming from problems from past relationships that could have never worked out.

I was complaining to one of my besties about how my boyfriend didn't call when he said he would so we could have an (important) discussion. And she told me "do you know how many people would love to have your boyfriend? Hell I would. So shut the hell up and be happy!" And it was a light bulb moment.

My boyfriend and I are quite the opposites which can sometimes lead to me being pissed the hell off. But I have to remember that he is one of the best things that has happened to me. Whether we end up together or not (cause we're still young). I just don't want to drive people away anymore. Everyone has a past that shapes their future, but it shouldn't control the future. I don't care what they say, history does not always repeat itself.

Guess I do know how to change. . .just been too stubborn to do it.

Emotionless

"Don't look so sad. And mad. You're a pretty lady. He's not worth it."
- random gentleman on the train.

It's amazing how other people can look at you and read your thoughts. I got on the train hurt, angry, confused, upset and just plain mad. At him. And even now as I write this, I'm still thinking about him. I'm wondering what he's thinking. How he feels. What he wants. It makes me sick. To actually care about him as much as I care about myself, maybe even more. It's foreign to me. Like I've been infected with something I can't get rid of. Now I see what Rogue from the X-Men feels. I don't like.

"Love is temperamental. Tiring. It makes demands. Love uses you. Changes its mind."
- Ingrid, from one of my favorite books.

Sometimes I believe it's so true. You put your all into something and then it's just different. Not bad, just different. Fleeting thoughts of what was and what is and what could be. Tired of the worry and always trying to be there unselfish. Some days I just want to take back what I had alone. The freedom to feel what I want. Instead, I'm forced to worry about another.

And then all these thoughts come. Was it right? Was it meant to be? Is this a mistake? Can we fix this? Am I losing me?

I don't know. All I know is it's after 12 and I'm wide awake.

Kinda wish I was emotionless. . .

And the worst part is I feel all this and it isn't as if he cheated on me or anything like that.
I think that would kill me. . .and him.

Pet Peeves: Take 1

I had a really annoying morning. It seemed like everyone wanted to push my buttons. I decided to do a pet peeve list. Writing things out always makes me feel better.

1. When people push you to get someplace you're going with them - Living in NY, I understand the MTA situation is often frustrating and complicated. DO NOT blame that on me. Why are you almost knocking me over to get into the same train I'm walking into? AND it's not as if I walk slow, I use my long legs wisely. Please behave like your mother gave you home training. First come, first serve.

2. When people walk slow and then try to block you from passing them - Listen, I did not ask you to move at .5/mph. The average speed of a human is 3mph. My average speed is about 6mph. That means you need to get the hell out of my way. ASAP! I am probably on the brink of being late and I'm not in the mood for any shenanigans. [Only applies on streets, not in any cramped subways like the idiot the led to pet peeve #1]

3. When people try to get loud when you push them - Well if you would have let me pass you in the middle of the wide street that you somehow have managed to completely block, I wouldn't have to push you. And it was not even a push, I tried to squeeze by your fat self but as skinny as I am, I still brushed you. . .just barely. Don't let the glasses fool you, I'm from Brooklyn too.

4. When a guy says hey ma or something to that effect - Umm, I have a name. You don't know it. There's a reason for that. I don't know you nor do I want to. Especially when you dared to call me slim goodie and expected me to look. Is this how you usually get females? Or maybe you just don't get any. I see why.

5. Jumbled up messages on the subway - I finally get on a train and sit. Then I hear this bs service message that is not understandable due to the bs train speakers and the operator's thick accent. Next thing I know, the train pulls into Timbuktu. And you say you announced it? Then why is everybody on the train ready to jump you? I see why they are giving people 7years for assaulting an MTA worker. The mayor obviously knows they need the protection.

6. Girls talking very loud and ghetto - I don't want to hear about Melinda fu*king your best friend's man. I could careless. I also don't need to know the last time you got tested for an STD. From what I heard though, you'll be hitting the clinic real soon.

7. People staring at you - You are not slick. I have peripheral vision. I can see you gawking at me. Yes, I'm amazing. Look once and then look away. I don't want you. I don't want your man. Hell, I don't care if we went to preschool together.

8. Dudes arguing with the baby mommas - Oh, you just bought the baby Huggies yesterday? You're getting a job at McDonald's. You are THINKING about taking classes at a trade school. Oh yeah, who cares but you & her. Lower your voice because honestly you're just embarrassing yourself.

9. People asking me if I'm sure a MILLION times - There's a seat. I don't want to sit. You sit! Don't ask me if I'm sure 50 million times. I'm an educated young woman. I'm neither stupid or retarded, just polite. Sit down guilt free, I'm sure.

10. When people do everything they can to act like they're hot sh*t - Oh you have an IPhone? Wasn't that subsidized and don't over 5 million other people have that. You have an ITouch? Guess what bit*h, mine is engraved. And I didn't spend a dime on it. You have some Sephora lipgloss, mine is from MAC. ALDO shoes? My custom Nikes cost more than that. You have friends to talk to on the phone, me too. You have a boyfriend, me too. No need to talk all loud and attempt to draw attention to yourself. You're not as super as you think.

That's all I can remember right now. What a sucky morning! I can't wait for 5. . .All this stuff is kind of funny now that I think about it. Chuckle worthy because I'm still upset, so it can't get a full laugh.

When I Grow Up

Okay, is it just me or does almost every female want to be a model/designer/actress? It's like everyone feels they will just be discovered off the street & all of a sudden they will have a fairytale life. No one wants to put in any WORK anymore. People just want to sit back & let jobs come to them.

News flash: IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. The people who are in positions that you want to be put in work. And lot's of it. The models were entering themselves in a whole bunch of talent showcases. Designers were basically giving away their pieces. Actresses were taking lessons and growing their talent [or getting some.] Anyone who does nothing, gets nothing [unless you're born rich; wish i was you!] Put some work into it.

Oh & another thing, these are not the ONLY three careers out here for females! There are so many other amazing professions. Doctors, teachers, lawyers, psychologists, presidents, religious leaders, hell even rappers. Why are people limiting themselves to using only their outward features [which a lot of times aren't that great] to launch a whole career? There are so many other interesting things you could do with your life.

I'm tired of potential being wasted. I'm tired of my 3 year old cousin thinking she needs 3' heels. I'm tired of every girl fancying themselves a fashionista. I'm tired of all the people who claim to be original, but look like everyone else. I'm tired of everyone wearing a bright color and thinking they are retro. I'm tired of peole digging in their basement and calling clothes from the 90s vintage. I'm tired of people buying the same brands as everyone else instead of investing in growing businesses. I'm tired of everyone becoming a drone.

Dare to be waaaay different. . .