And You're O So Swagless

This all started with Twitter. My friend Amanda & I just took it to a new level while we were a bit tipsy [okay basically fuxked up but that's where ideas are born!]

What if people could purchase swagger? So many possibilities and questions. Here are my thoughts:

1. First, you need a working definition of swagger. From what I have gathered from various sources, it's a demeanor. It's the way you carry yourself and cause people to interact with you. It allows people to be drawn to you in a crowded room even when you're dressed down. It's magnetism and intensity. It's your first impression. [Working definition, feel free to comment about anything that you feel needs to be added]

2. Now, what kind of swagger would you sell? Wayne's gangsta pussy eating swagger? Jay-Z's business swagger? T.I.'s hard knock life prison swagger? How would vendors know what kind of swagger to sell and what kind of swagger would customers want to buy?

3. How much would people be willing to pay for swagger? I mean obviously, it happens to be within reach of the masses who need it. Would the government subsidize swagger purchases? What if you need Jay-Z swagger to close a deal or Beyonce swagger to pass dance class?

4. Would using swagger become the equivalent of performance enhancement drugs? If you use Einstein swagger [not intelligence, just swag] and happen to pass your test, is that really cheating? I mean it is just swag.

5. How would people take swag? Pill or liquid? Would you be able to mix it in your drink every morning?

6. How long would swag last? Would it be a one time thing? Or do you have to take it everyday like a shower?

7. And does swagger always produce results, no matter the subject? If I gave a bum a shot of Wayne swag, would he be able to get girls like Nivea?

Think of the possibilities. All you biologists and chemists need to get on that. I see a lot of people who are in need of your service. And there is money to be made.

Fashion or Foolery?

My rant today? Fashion. Is it just me or does everyone dress exactly the same way? It's like you're either 80s, high fashion, or grunge. There is no in-between or variety. And I'm tired of it. Why the fuxk do you have to look like Beyonce in the Diva video every time you leave your house? You don't have Beyonce's body. So at the end of the day, you end up looking ridiculous! I see all these fat bitxhes trying to squeeze into some tight shxt because they think it's sexy. That's a no sweetie.

And dudes? Don't get me started. A dude gets a Gucci belt and thinks he's flyer that Soulja Boy, not like he should be anyone's idol anyways. Oh wow, a Gucci belt. That you probably got on sale, for your birthday, for Christmas or on Canal Street [bootleg y'all!] Ugh, I'm extremely over it. I would prefer a well-dressed gentleman with subtle name brands [if you choose to wear name brand clothing] over a flashy, LV shoes, riding on 24s, Lacoste & 25¢ chain wearing bum with credit shot to hell. Cause y'all know you buying that shxt w| money you don't have and won't be able to get.

I'm sorry, but imitation is not the best form of flattery, a compliment is and always will be number one. Admire and then do you because you can't do anyone else and damn sure not as well as they do themselves. Feel free to draw from others creativity, but twist it to fit you. Otherwise we end up with what we have know, a whole bunch of people looking exactly the same.

P.S. - Follow me on Twitter. I get bored often. LOL

If Looks Could Kill

. . .I'd be a dead bitxh!

My rant today: the female sex. What the hell is wrong with us? Every female I meet is like "don't judge a book by its cover. You have to be open and judge people on personality. Not just looks." Oh really? Then how come I am always being judged by these bitxhes? For nothing more than keeping myself groomed & up to par. I swear it's everywhere I go.

I get on the bus with a nice coat and some fly ass kicks. The rest of my outfit is fly but they can't see all that. I sit down, look around, and notice every bitxh on the bus is stealing glances at me. I kid you not, every damn female. And it's not the "I love your shoes" kinda look. It's the "who does this bitxh think she is" look. You don't even know me! You don't know anything about me and yet, you hate me. Not even disdain or dislike, but straight up hate. For no effing reason.

I hate my gender to the point that if I go on a job interview, I want a male. Not because I want to use sex appeal of any kind, but because I know I'll have a fair shot. He's going to judge me on me. Nowhere in the back of his mind is he thinking. "she's pretty, I don't need competition." Which I swear is what every female must think when they see a pretty female. It's like can we please uplift each other because who the fuxk else is going to?

Minus myself and some friends, I've never heard any female tell another that she looks sexy. What's wrong with that? If someone looks good, I'm going to say it. If I like your dress, I'm going to say it. Compliments are not illegal, nor are you putting yourself down. You're just telling it like it is.

Confidence makes a female sexy. I can see why most of you girls are single. Get it together. Talk to me when you grow up.

Social Media = The New Hookup Spot

Apparently, the thing to do is hook up via social media, i.e. Facebook, Twitter, etc. Someone just DM'd me on Twitter the other day talking about "you single?" No hi, my name is etc. Nothing. It's very sad. So I've decided to express some things I feel need to be known about dating/meeting people through social media. It's going to have to be extended segments because there is too much to say in one post.

1. First impressions are important. Do you want the first thing the person sees from you to be "you single?" Subtract the fact that the person may not know you this intimately, it's impersonal. How do I know you didn't just DM that message to 10 other people at the same time. You should come correct the first time because with some people [like myself] that's all you get.

2. Don't be someone you're not. I know this is especially hard for people who have the "online alter egos." The problem is you [hopefully] will meet this person. I think they will realize that your green eyes & freckles are really contacts and a whole lot of pimples. No fake pictures, fake personalities, and even faker materialistic objects. Unless you can make a Range Rover appear in thin air.

3. Everything is NOT everything. A profile, blog, bio can only tell you so much. Don't think that by reading two lines about someone's likes, you're in expert on their life. It takes years to become the person you are at this moment, and this is not who you will be when you die. Remember that it's the same for other people.

4. Meet up. If you want to have a REAL relationship, you have to meet the person you're courting. [sorry, I ♥ that word] First off, you have to prove they are who/what they say they are. Second, you just need to get to know a person in a physical setting. I suggest a public place because you met online. Very public and safe. Don't get yourself kidnapped and blame me. LOL

5. Don't be a stalker. Duh right? You'd be surprised. You're friends on Myspace, Facebook and Twitter. All of a sudden, you find yourself constantly checking the facebook to read status updates. Trying to hack the myspace. Shxt happens. I've had people text me the answer to a question I asked on Twitter, & I didn't even know they were following me. Let me just say, it's extremely creepy. It pretty much gives off a bad signal. Avoid at all costs.

I'm tired so that's all I have for now. Part 2 soon.