The Repeat Offender

This is the first post in a series I'm thinking about doing on friend types. We'll see...

Today I want to discuss the repeat offender. This is the friend who no matter what, seems to do the same thing over & over to offend/annoy you. These friends can come in various shapes, sizes, and colors. What do I mean by that? Let's take a look.

There is the "you're always doing this sh*t to me" type.
Now I hate when people put their hand in my food. It's a boundary thing. I don't know where in hell your hands have been and I didn't see you wash them. Oh AND you didn't ask me, which is just a no-no. But I have one of those friends that whenever you're eating, she is there grabbing. Oh no. I had to end that but more on the ending later.

There's the "you're always doing this to yourself" type.
This is the stupid friend that constantly annoys you with problems with life issues, such as her boyfriend. Now this wouldn't bother me except you've dated the same man 4 times in the last half a year. Are we serious? He does some sh*t to you (I mean plays you hard, even MY feelings are hurt), you guys break up. You ask me for advice, I tell you what I think. A few weeks later, you're with him AGAIN. WTF? And after I wasted all my damn time consoling your weak ass, you don't even have the decency to let me know. I gotta check that sh*t on facebook? #FAIL

Finally, there's the "why are you always doing this?" type.
This is friend may not be doing anything directly to you. I have a friend that shows up late EVERYWHERE she goes. She isn't directly hurting me, but people know we're friends. Every time she's late, I can feel people looking at me like "talk to your girl. It's just annoying as hell. If everyone else figured out how to make it here on time with public transportation, so can your ass.

Now what to do with this friend. I say cut them off. Why? Obviously, they are a repeat offender for a reason. I assume (I mean y'all are friends) that you've already spoken to said person about these issues. Yet they continue to do the same sh*t. Now there are only two possible outcomes:

A) You begin to internalize and harbor ill will towards this person. Every time you see said person you want to (as the lovely lady from Bad Girls Club put it) "snatch a btch!" It doesn't matter if what they're doing is good or bad, right or wrong. Their presence just drives you up the wall. This could possibly lead to option B.

B) You actually "snatch a btch!" It may start off as a verbal confrontation. Depending on the personalities of those involved, it could escalate to a physical level. Now you're on your way to assault charges over some person that you shouldn't have been friends with in the first place.

Bottom line: They are bringing nothing but DRAMA into your already cramped life. Cut 'em loose. One less friend means less weight on your back.

Questions.

As I grow older, I question myself more. Sometimes I wonder if I question myself too much. I can't seem to do a damn thing without thinking, "what will happen to me in the long run if I do this?" Most people would say this is a good thing. I disagree.

I feel like I'm stifling myself. Almost as if I'm not really living life. It sounds crazy but that's what it is. I feel like I'm missing out on all the things that you're supposed to do when you're young. I'm not even 21 yet but my soul feels so much older. Burdened. Heavy hearted.

I know life is about learning through experience but I think that people forget that it is the type of experiences you have that make you who you are. Serial killers aren't born that way. Neither are racists, man-haters, wife beaters, etc. Maybe life should be about something more than experience.

But maybe I say this because right now, mine seem to be going in the fck sh*t why direction...

You AIN'T a bad btch!

WTF! I'm so over these btches feeling themselves TOO MOTHERFCKING MUCH! Why does every girl feel like they're a bad btch? Explain to me HOW you're a bad btch! Fck how people are a bad btch, let me tell you when you are not, cause clearly, herein lies the issue.

1. You're not a bad btch when you can't pay for shxt yourself. Now, I'm not saying you have to be doing something crazy hard to earn this money. Motherfcking doctor or engineer. I'm saying, you must have your own. You're a fcking gold-digger? Cool. But please have that money stashed away for when he is ontothenextone. Just saying.

2. You're not a bad btch because you have a "body." Most btches who say they have a body are fat girls in spanx. Dead serious? Btch please! There are many btches who are hella skinny & still a BAD btch. With almost NO motherfcking curves. Please explain to me. Because you have a "fat" ass...AND the stomach to go with it bleh.

3. You're not a bad btch when you follow every trend out there. A bad btch does WTF she wants to when she wants to. Why are you watching trends & peeping other btches' game? Do you motherfcker! You're a trendSETTER right? Set some motherfcking trends. Please&thank you.

4. You're not a bad btch when you talk shxt behind someone's back. Now there is nobody who can say they have never said something about someone while they're not there. It's impossible. When you have any emotion occur inside of you, most likely you'll talk about it. But when you see this person & don't say SH*T, you're a sad btch, not a bad btch. Please understand & know your place.

5. You're not a bad btch if you call yourself a Barbie, bad btch, pretty much any phrase Nicki Minaj uses to describe herself. If she is your idol, the reason you use these words, kill yourself right motherfcking now. If you need any materials to assist with this task, let me know. I will provide for any in need. Thank you. A bad btch does not [I repeat NOT] need to identify herself as such, other people just know. It's a motherfcking given.

Ugh! So much more I could&should write, but I'm off that. I have music to listen to, shopping to do, and emails to return. Goodbye. And oh yeah, happy new year.

Les Boom!

Is it just me or is everyone a lesbian nowadays [or at least bisexual]. I'm not talking about experimentation, I'm talking about check the box here, scream out from the mountains, full-blown LESBIANISM. My question is why?

Now don't get me wrong, I have nothing against anyone's sexual orientation. Honestly, I don't really give a damn about anything unless it affects me. I'm selfish that way. But I mean, it's something that is easily noticed. The Gay Pride Parade alone shows how much of a force they have just in NY. Then all around the country, you see pictures of the happy lesbian couples getting marred in states that allow.

It's just like, where are they all coming from? Is it because they feel like it's more accepted? It's no longer taboo to be a lesbian and now everyone can be free about it? With media pillars like Ellen DeGeneres & Cynthia Nixon being open about their sexual preferences, everyone is just okay with it. [Because of course celebrities set the fuxking trend.] There's also the fact that it's more open in television. Before it used to be guys doing gay things to each other. And parents protested the hell out of that. Now we have shows like the L-Word, which is highly addictive, to encourage females to embrace their sexuality.

Are more girls just turning to lesbianism as a way to heal their hearts broken in heterosexual relationships? There's been a lot of man-hating lately. Keyshia Cole saw her record sales dive because she's on some real love shxt. Nobody is feeling that. Everywhere I go, all I hear is "niggas ain't shxt!" Guess, women are...

IDK. I'm actually happy about this increase. Woman more than double the amount of men on this earth. More lesbians = less competition = more guys for me. LMAO. But I was just curious.

Now I have to find out if there's been a boom in gay men. I think it's the case in NY is not more gay men, just more out of the closet. But at least they're not undercover anymore. Cheers to that! Because gay guys make the BEST friends. They're good at keeping secrets ;]

P.S. - If you're offended, speak on it. But don't be all pissed off, cursing & shxt. Everyone is entitled to their opinion.

And You're O So Swagless

This all started with Twitter. My friend Amanda & I just took it to a new level while we were a bit tipsy [okay basically fuxked up but that's where ideas are born!]

What if people could purchase swagger? So many possibilities and questions. Here are my thoughts:

1. First, you need a working definition of swagger. From what I have gathered from various sources, it's a demeanor. It's the way you carry yourself and cause people to interact with you. It allows people to be drawn to you in a crowded room even when you're dressed down. It's magnetism and intensity. It's your first impression. [Working definition, feel free to comment about anything that you feel needs to be added]

2. Now, what kind of swagger would you sell? Wayne's gangsta pussy eating swagger? Jay-Z's business swagger? T.I.'s hard knock life prison swagger? How would vendors know what kind of swagger to sell and what kind of swagger would customers want to buy?

3. How much would people be willing to pay for swagger? I mean obviously, it happens to be within reach of the masses who need it. Would the government subsidize swagger purchases? What if you need Jay-Z swagger to close a deal or Beyonce swagger to pass dance class?

4. Would using swagger become the equivalent of performance enhancement drugs? If you use Einstein swagger [not intelligence, just swag] and happen to pass your test, is that really cheating? I mean it is just swag.

5. How would people take swag? Pill or liquid? Would you be able to mix it in your drink every morning?

6. How long would swag last? Would it be a one time thing? Or do you have to take it everyday like a shower?

7. And does swagger always produce results, no matter the subject? If I gave a bum a shot of Wayne swag, would he be able to get girls like Nivea?

Think of the possibilities. All you biologists and chemists need to get on that. I see a lot of people who are in need of your service. And there is money to be made.

Peanuts for Giants

Mediocrity. It's a word people don't use often. I think it scares them. Yet that it the state we're in now. Everyone is mediocre at best. Everyone is settling. Whether it's at their place of work, in their personal relationships, or the education. It's suddenly okay that your job is paying you way less than you deserve. It's okay that your partner had a one-night stand. It's okay that you got a C⁺ instead of a B⁺. Why?

It's a question I find myself asking continuously. Look at the economy. You want a job right? Then make one. Start a business! Now is the perfect time with the government throwing out money. Yet people seem hesitant to take that first step. Everyone is afraid of failure. The problem is that with failure comes experience, which is worth just as much as winning. Experience helps you fix the bad & keep the good.

I'm not saying be stupid. If you went to school for communication, don't think of opening a medical practice. I'm saying evaluate yourself, pick out your strong suits and find/create a job that is both appealing and attainable. You can do something well. Everyone can. Now you have to find something that caters to your best qualities.

Being subdued by mediocrity is not an option. It shows a lack of imagination or passion. What if slaves were happy just being clothed & fed? Yeah, that's an extreme, but it's the same concept. Being complacent leads to stagnation. A total stop. Contentment with things below your means, wants, desires, objections, and goals.

My mother told me people being complacent is what brought the economy to where it is now. I believe she's right. We're slaves to our fears. Arrested with terror. Selling our self-worth for way below the price. And the chains hold tight.

P.S. - I swear I'll blog more & read more blogs. Mainly because I'm bored at work. LOL

Porn Is So. . .BORING!

So my male friends said girls are NOT suppose to watch porn. I guess writing this is incriminating myself. But I only really spend any time with males! I guess that's just an excuse. Oh wells, I have to discuss this.

Porn is so boring! Now, I'm not naive. I know the point of porn is to get people aroused, etc. Yet, I remember back in the days when they used to have story lines. Interesting ones at that!

My favorite was about this woman who was an assassin. She used to have sex with all her marks before she killed them. Then she had sex with one guy and fell in love cause the sex was that good. But he had been hired by 3 mothers of some of the people she killed to eliminate her. He fell in love too. So the mothers ended up fucking his brains out and then killing him. The assassin figures out what happened, killed two of the mothers. The last one was like her mentor, so of course she lost. But they ended up being a lesbian couple.

Now that was a great porno. Nowadays it seems like people are just watching Ayana Angel and Pinky fuxking a different guy every video. Barely any foreplay and it doesn't matter where they do it. Now sad to say, some men use these women as guide to the type of females they want in their lives. Even sadder to say, many guys get their sex skills from these videos.

Imagine some guy slobbing all over a girl's vagina for all of like 3 seconds and thinking he has great head game. Imagine her doing it to him for like 20 minutes and him thinking that is what foreplay entails. Then he pumps her missionary and doggy style for like 10 minutes yelling expletives and thinking he's the shit. Then imagine all of this happening in what looks like your parents' basement, shitty lighting and ugly ass never used furniture included. Ooh and don't forget the girl coming in with no bra, just a tacky fishnet outfit and him keeping his dirty ass sneakers on the whole time.

And how can I forget about the sunglasses?! Sunglasses are the new condoms! You must have them on at all times. SMH. And want really creeps me out about these cheap motel fucks? The random observers. You can see people all watching when the camera hits a mirror and I'm like who the eff is that?! Then sometimes they actually speakcheer on the fuxking couple. Am I the only one creeped out by this? Like wtf? Guess porn stars don't care about the privacy. Or awkwardness.

The future generations should be afraid, very afraid. This is what sex will be like for you. SMH!

P.S. - I think I might start petitioning for pornos to have a storyline. Who's with me?

(Wo)Man Down!

Okay this is funny. Fast forward to 2:40 & be amazed.


Now Keyshia, please know that my heart goes out to you. This is crazy! How awkward is it when she attacks B5 (4:55). They were clearly uncomfortable with this lady. And when she said she was their godmother? If this isn't crazy, I don't know what this is. Man down code 10. Somebody save this lady!