Where Am I Going?

I think about this all the time. I'm pretty much obsessed with these thoughts. I feel like I'm spending all these days sitting in school. And for what? Will it actually help me get a job? I guess that's why I didn't want to go away. I just felt like what's the point. I like to party, but I like thinking about my future way more. And why spend thousands of dollars on school when I can stay here & get the same education. Maybe even better because NY is the best place for life experiences.

I expect so much of myself. And I'm always afraid. Afraid I won't live up to my own standards. It drives me crazy sometimes. I try to sit back and let life happen. But I've never been that type of person and I don't believe I ever will be. When I want something, I go get it. It's that simple.

But what do I do if what I want is out of reach? IDK. This is the first time this has ever happened to me. I feel like my future goals are CURRENTLY unattainable. It scares the shxt out of me. What will I be doing two years from now? Hopefully, walking across a big ass stage w| a kool aid smile on my face. After that, I'm not sure.

And THAT scares me. . .