Pet Peeves: Take 1

I had a really annoying morning. It seemed like everyone wanted to push my buttons. I decided to do a pet peeve list. Writing things out always makes me feel better.

1. When people push you to get someplace you're going with them - Living in NY, I understand the MTA situation is often frustrating and complicated. DO NOT blame that on me. Why are you almost knocking me over to get into the same train I'm walking into? AND it's not as if I walk slow, I use my long legs wisely. Please behave like your mother gave you home training. First come, first serve.

2. When people walk slow and then try to block you from passing them - Listen, I did not ask you to move at .5/mph. The average speed of a human is 3mph. My average speed is about 6mph. That means you need to get the hell out of my way. ASAP! I am probably on the brink of being late and I'm not in the mood for any shenanigans. [Only applies on streets, not in any cramped subways like the idiot the led to pet peeve #1]

3. When people try to get loud when you push them - Well if you would have let me pass you in the middle of the wide street that you somehow have managed to completely block, I wouldn't have to push you. And it was not even a push, I tried to squeeze by your fat self but as skinny as I am, I still brushed you. . .just barely. Don't let the glasses fool you, I'm from Brooklyn too.

4. When a guy says hey ma or something to that effect - Umm, I have a name. You don't know it. There's a reason for that. I don't know you nor do I want to. Especially when you dared to call me slim goodie and expected me to look. Is this how you usually get females? Or maybe you just don't get any. I see why.

5. Jumbled up messages on the subway - I finally get on a train and sit. Then I hear this bs service message that is not understandable due to the bs train speakers and the operator's thick accent. Next thing I know, the train pulls into Timbuktu. And you say you announced it? Then why is everybody on the train ready to jump you? I see why they are giving people 7years for assaulting an MTA worker. The mayor obviously knows they need the protection.

6. Girls talking very loud and ghetto - I don't want to hear about Melinda fu*king your best friend's man. I could careless. I also don't need to know the last time you got tested for an STD. From what I heard though, you'll be hitting the clinic real soon.

7. People staring at you - You are not slick. I have peripheral vision. I can see you gawking at me. Yes, I'm amazing. Look once and then look away. I don't want you. I don't want your man. Hell, I don't care if we went to preschool together.

8. Dudes arguing with the baby mommas - Oh, you just bought the baby Huggies yesterday? You're getting a job at McDonald's. You are THINKING about taking classes at a trade school. Oh yeah, who cares but you & her. Lower your voice because honestly you're just embarrassing yourself.

9. People asking me if I'm sure a MILLION times - There's a seat. I don't want to sit. You sit! Don't ask me if I'm sure 50 million times. I'm an educated young woman. I'm neither stupid or retarded, just polite. Sit down guilt free, I'm sure.

10. When people do everything they can to act like they're hot sh*t - Oh you have an IPhone? Wasn't that subsidized and don't over 5 million other people have that. You have an ITouch? Guess what bit*h, mine is engraved. And I didn't spend a dime on it. You have some Sephora lipgloss, mine is from MAC. ALDO shoes? My custom Nikes cost more than that. You have friends to talk to on the phone, me too. You have a boyfriend, me too. No need to talk all loud and attempt to draw attention to yourself. You're not as super as you think.

That's all I can remember right now. What a sucky morning! I can't wait for 5. . .All this stuff is kind of funny now that I think about it. Chuckle worthy because I'm still upset, so it can't get a full laugh.

When I Grow Up

Okay, is it just me or does almost every female want to be a model/designer/actress? It's like everyone feels they will just be discovered off the street & all of a sudden they will have a fairytale life. No one wants to put in any WORK anymore. People just want to sit back & let jobs come to them.

News flash: IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. The people who are in positions that you want to be put in work. And lot's of it. The models were entering themselves in a whole bunch of talent showcases. Designers were basically giving away their pieces. Actresses were taking lessons and growing their talent [or getting some.] Anyone who does nothing, gets nothing [unless you're born rich; wish i was you!] Put some work into it.

Oh & another thing, these are not the ONLY three careers out here for females! There are so many other amazing professions. Doctors, teachers, lawyers, psychologists, presidents, religious leaders, hell even rappers. Why are people limiting themselves to using only their outward features [which a lot of times aren't that great] to launch a whole career? There are so many other interesting things you could do with your life.

I'm tired of potential being wasted. I'm tired of my 3 year old cousin thinking she needs 3' heels. I'm tired of every girl fancying themselves a fashionista. I'm tired of all the people who claim to be original, but look like everyone else. I'm tired of everyone wearing a bright color and thinking they are retro. I'm tired of peole digging in their basement and calling clothes from the 90s vintage. I'm tired of people buying the same brands as everyone else instead of investing in growing businesses. I'm tired of everyone becoming a drone.

Dare to be waaaay different. . .

Where Am I Going?

I think about this all the time. I'm pretty much obsessed with these thoughts. I feel like I'm spending all these days sitting in school. And for what? Will it actually help me get a job? I guess that's why I didn't want to go away. I just felt like what's the point. I like to party, but I like thinking about my future way more. And why spend thousands of dollars on school when I can stay here & get the same education. Maybe even better because NY is the best place for life experiences.

I expect so much of myself. And I'm always afraid. Afraid I won't live up to my own standards. It drives me crazy sometimes. I try to sit back and let life happen. But I've never been that type of person and I don't believe I ever will be. When I want something, I go get it. It's that simple.

But what do I do if what I want is out of reach? IDK. This is the first time this has ever happened to me. I feel like my future goals are CURRENTLY unattainable. It scares the shxt out of me. What will I be doing two years from now? Hopefully, walking across a big ass stage w| a kool aid smile on my face. After that, I'm not sure.

And THAT scares me. . .

Maybe It's Misinterpretation Not Miscommunication

Yesterday night I was speaking to one of my ex's on the phone. Somehow, we got onto the topic of dating and what it means.

Him: First dates are expensive. You take her somewhere trying to act all gentleman-like to please her. Everyone just expects a good impression. It's too much of a hassle. Especially since for most guys [excluding myself & a many others] it doesn't end in you getting what you want: the drawers.
Me: Since when was dating synonymous with sex? Sex is usually synonymous with a relationship. In my book at least.
Him: No, dating means we're not exclusive but you should still give it up ASAP. Like, why am i spending all this money to take you here & there for nothing?
Me: That's what dating is about. Getting to know where a person likes to go. What they like to eat. What you have in common. Your similarities basically. And your differences. And see if you can make a relationship out of it.
Him: Why can't I like you, start a relationship, and then get to know you? Why does dating even have to be involved? It encompasses the same things as a so called "relationship" right?
Me: NO! One, dating is not exclusive. I could be DATING three boys at the same time. A relationship is a commitment. Two, wouldn't you want to know someone is psycho before you start spending extended hours with them alone? This is what dating assists with.
Him: Why do you always assume everyone is crazy.
Me: Because I dated you.
Him: Funny. But as to exclusivity, all relationships aren't exclusive. Open relationships? Duh. And two, your date could be someplace where you're alone. That's usually what you want. So what's the difference?
Me: Idk. (Yes I said idk) Dating to me means nothing serious, non-exclusive, getting to know each other fun.
Him: To me [currently] it means nothing serious, non-exclusive, getting to know each other fun with sex and other perks included. Especially if I'm constantly putting out money.
Me: I guess it's just different interpretations. Maybe that's what's wrong with relationships. People go in thinking one thing about something and the other party comes in with a whole different idea about the same thing.
Him: First, I'm upset I understood what you just said. Two, I believe you're right.

Wow. What if we're all just communicating the wrong thing to each other. . .

The Past Haunts

I never write in this blog. Not because I don't want to. Or maybe that is just the reason. You write things down & they become permanent. You probably laugh at this. You think, "just go back and delete the blog." I could do that. But that merely hides what I was feeling. It doesn't change it. It doesn't change the fact that I expressed something that I felt. I let it out of my mind through words. It became concrete. Reality.

So I erase the blog. Are my thought any less real? Do they return to my head without consequences. No. Why? I know it's real. I understand that what I wrote was what I thought. And I can never take it back.

I never write in this blog. I'm scared of the things that will come out of my head. My fears, my joys, my understanding, my ignorance, my dreams, and my failures. It all stays inside of me. Someplace safe with a lock and a muzzle.

I should write in this blog.